I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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