so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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