remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
