The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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