More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
