My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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