glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
