whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
