I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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