He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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