Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
