I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
