Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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