Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
