My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize