Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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