HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
