There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
