can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
