Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
