he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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