the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
