boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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