he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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