Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
