What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
