You're my little dorito
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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