so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
