My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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