I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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