I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
