I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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