We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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