I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
