omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I FOUND THE LEGS
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
