i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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