My nipple is on Facebook.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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