Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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