I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
