saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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