I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
