I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
