one two three fourrrrnication!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
