So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
