Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im six kinds of drunk right now
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
