i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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