I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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