i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
