Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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