Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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