he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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