It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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