You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
