I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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