What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
