dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
