So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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