roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
that is very illegal...i love you.
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