I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
