i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
