pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
