i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
