idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think my moral compass just broke
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