Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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