Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
