Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
