I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
