why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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