I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
3 2 1 whiskey
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
