So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
