I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
