im six kinds of drunk right now
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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