I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
