True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
