There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
