I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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